I wish… A hug!

A hug! Just two arms wrapped around you – holding you, keeping you within, making you feel safe! So simple a word can be with not so simple meaning?!

A warm greeting, a firm handshake or an embrace are part of our lives so is the hug! Some do accept it some don’t. So what? What if I want one? What if I want someone to leap within? What if I want someone running to me to jump into my arms? What if I want to share love? What if I want to share my soul with you?

Whatsoever, I wanted to ask. It took toll of a quantity of adrenaline and lot more courage. But, I finally asked; I had to ask a hug. You hesitated; you stumbled but you let yourself go fluid and hid within my boyishly brawny clutch. I could feel overwhelming emotions; I could feel warmth being shared; I could witness two souls turning into one. I was happier more than the human race united could be ‘cas I was with YOU. That was a split second in time when 1 + 1 was infinity.

Months later, I again ask. The very same hug! But, with limp arm, you ask me why. Probably, you don’t remember the thunderstorms those arose; you forgot the sparkles that painted the surroundings; you didn’t learn by heart the feelings that we shared. I said I want it ‘cas I need it. You allow me to hug you. You are in my manly hold but I don’t feel the same. Something is missing. Oh! I did hug but I got none in return. There was no sharing, no loving, no caring.

I feel sorry for asking. I feel regret of having something you didn’t want to give. I swear never to ask you regardless of how desperate I may be or how badly I may crave. I decide to live life though my core knows what I has had is something I will always need but will never get – never forever. Although, I find so many others in life I never find the match to you – feel that I get by your hugs. Whatever I do, I would never be able to forget that feel that emotion of owning you.

Now, I always search someone who can run to me before even I ask for; someone who can make me feel safe; someone who understands that I need a hug before even I say HUG ME!; the one where I am allowed to be me with all my weaknesses intact and still I am the whole world to her.

Love… Care… Hug… Protect… Share… I wish…

પ્રારબ્ધ

ભલે છુ હજરો માઇલ દૂર તારાથી,
છતા એક વાતનો અનુભવ સેવ્યો,
પ્રેમ તો અમારી જેમ હજારે કર્યો,
પણ તમ સમો સાથી પ્રારબ્ધે અમોને મળ્યો!

બેકલી-એકલતા

બેકલી-એકલતા
“બેકલી-એકલતા”ના સંવાદનો શુ મતલબ હતો?
જ્યારે તુ મારી અને હું તારી સંગ હતો!

શબ્દોનો પણ એ શુ અંતહીન સંવાદ હતો?
જ્યારે મારા વણબોલે પણ તારા સમજવનો ઢંગ હતો!

હાથમા હાથ નાખીને ફરવાનો શુ મર્મ હતો?
કદાચ પોતાના બીજા પ્રત્યે હક્નો અનુભવ હતો!

લાગણીઓની સાન્દ્રતનો શુ પરિણવ હતો?
કદાચ આપણા હ્રદયનો નવો-સવો પરિણય હતો!

ધૃતિ તારા ખોળાની, શું તે જાણે એનો વિકલ્પ હતો?
એટલે થાય કે પ્રેમની અનુભૂતિનો એ કો’ક તુલ્યાર્થ હતો!

આપણા આશ્લેષમા શું તો અંતહીન પ્રેમ હતો?
એટલે થાય ઇર્ષ્યા કેમકે બે વચ્ચે ત્રિજાનો અવકાશ ન હતો!

બેઠો તો છુ જોજનો દૂર, પણ તને શીદને ભુલ્યો નો’તો?
કેમકે, પ્રેમની વ્યાખ્યાઓ તો તારી આંખોમા જ ભણ્યો હતો!

સબંધ

યાદો પણ કેટલી સફાઈથી લુચ્ચા આટાપાટા રમે છે, નહિ? ક્યારેક પેટ પકડીને હસાવે છે તો વળી ક્યારેક રો’તા દિલ કાજ આંખમાંથી આંસુ પણ સરકવા ન દે. જોને, હાલની જ વાત કરુ ને! હું આમ તો બેઠો હતો કામ કરવા, પણ ખબર જ નહિ પડી કે કામ કરતા કરતા હું ક્યારે યાદોની ગલીઓમાં ચાલી નીકળયો! નીકળતા તો નીકળી પણ ગયો પણ આ જાણ્યા–અજાણ્યા રસ્તા ક્યાં લઈ જાય મને શીદ ખબર?! ચાલતો–ફરતો, ગલી–શેરીઓમાં ભટકતો આગળ વધ્યો અને આવ્યું સ્મ્રુતિઓનુ ચોગાન; વીસરાયેલુ, વીખરાયેલ, અને જાત ભાતની ઝળકીઓથી તરબોળ થઈ અને ભરાયેલુ તારુ – મારુ – આપણું ચોગાન.

એમ જોવા જઈએ તો કાઈ ખાસ શું હતું આપની પાસે–વચ્ચે? કેટ્લોક સમયનો સાથ? કે પછી લાગણીઓમાં ઝાકળ જેવી ભીનાશ? જે પણ હતું એ ક્યારેય વ્યાખ્યાયિત તો નહોતું. તુ મારા ત્યા આવતી, હું તારા ત્યા આવતો; ઘણું તુ બોલતી અને થોડું હું બોલતો અને શબ્દોની આ હારમાળામા ક્યારેક ક્યારેક કલાકોની ચુપકીદી પણ અદભુત મુક સંવાદોથી સમાતી; તુ દિલનું ઊંડાણ ઉલેચતી અને હું લાગણીઓના સ્વર વહેવડાવતો; મિત્રોની મસ્તી અને સ્નેહીની લાગણીઓ બસ એટલો માત્ર આપણો સંબંધ હતો.

આમ જ નાના પ્રાંગણમા શરૂ થયેલ આપણો સબંધ ક્યારે ઉપવનની ઘટામા જઈ સમાયો તેનો આપણને ખ્યાલ પણ ન આવ્યો! હુ તારી સાથે બેસતો, તારા ખોળને મારુ ઘર માનતો, અને એ ઝુલતા પાંદડાઓની લહેર અને લચક નિહારતો માત્ર એટલુ જ વિચારતો… કેટલી સુન્દર હોય છે આ દુનિયા, નહિ? બે અજાણ્યા વ્યક્તિ મળે, મિત્રો બને, સર્વસ્વ બીજાને નામ કરી દે અને છત્તા અનુભૂતિ તો સુખની જ કરે!! કયા મળવાનો આવો સુંદર સબંધ આ સ્વાર્થિ દુનિયામા?!

A new ( void ) horizon

A new ( void ) horizon ~ Source : hesezz.com

“Maya, why are you acting strange?”

“What’s so strange? It’s nothing, ‘Aayu’” replied she with stubborn tone.

“There is always something behind your every tiny little ‘nothing’ and we both know that very well, don’t you think so?”

“Please, don’t bring it on right now; I will come to that, too, but, just, give me a few minutes.” she cutely requested uniting her utterly parted eyelashes, indeed the most powerful thing, certainly, of the most unpowerful creature, and leaned into me trying to hide herself within me and I let her slid within the firm grip of my boyishly burly arms to shield her and never to let her go. She being so close, I could clearly see all the almost perfectly imprinted curves and silky soft lines of her feminine face meeting life and do nothing but admire her like a child’s birthday wish coming true; feel gratitude of being not only the person but the world to her and still being able to accompany my, very own, exquisite monarch. She carried her face and kept it over my chest maintaining sincerity of silence and, me complementing her, I rhythmically started tapping her back and stroking her squashy cheeks, tracing her every tiny bit – every minute curve touching me – charging me ,feeling warmth of unison of two bodies into one soul, accepting thy as sheer reason of my existence.

But, there, something was moist – something watery on my hand which took me no point in time to determine that this precious once belonged to Maya – MY Maya. Unlike the moments of our beautiful and blessed universe, it had sub-controlled atmosphere around us. A thought trace-passed my mind ‘What happened? Why, in the world, is she crying?’ And transfixed I took half a step back and put my pointer and thumb about half an inch below her nearly just right chin and raised her face. She hesitantly complied with my effort but avoided my penetrating eyes. Still, her eyes wet, waiting me to make a move, asked a lot – something incomprehensible; incredibly undecipherable – and I could wait no any longer. I put my both arms around her waist to raise her from my chest to my face and I kissed her sliding salty precious over right cheek, next came her left eye and then it was turn for right.

“It’s nothing, yar! It’s this rain. I’m keeping company.” replied she, mocking girly weak giggle, as if she could read my thoughts and here I was, back to the world where all humans live – for or against our wishes. Awareness of surrounding and the events, taking place around, slow stepped into me; it was raining. The atmosphere had taken bottoms-up turn and the hot airy wind had turned to slow swift breeze and slow drizzling welcomed it. When she realized of me not buying her point, she took husky gasp, dug a lump in throat and continued –

“Aayush, you remember you use to tell me ‘If you love someone, do love truly; make this person your best of the best friend for your life.’ right?”

“Uhnn..” a dumbstruck replied.

“You know you are my, that, best of the best friend for whom my feelings, emotional needs, and desires for closeness, and sense of belonging are more focused than ever. You may simply be waiting to ask what I want, and this could be the first step of many to something wonderful for me. But…”

“But what, Maya? But what?” Not being able to survive her minute long pause, I broke it.

“But, now things are getting queasy. You have waited eight years and I have miserably failed to return you what is yours or more precisely must be yours – ‘Me’.”

“But, did I ask for anything? What I want is solely your company… ” And completed half left sentence in my thoughts with a sigh of hidden pain ‘plus you for my entire verve – till I can live, till I can love, till I can feel and till time runs out.’

“Yeh!!” said she threading the half left conversation. “That’s the thing. You never want anything; you always give everything. You make things the way I desire. I know you yearn for my glee but it’s the same thing that’s holding you; holding you here with me and you refuse to move on.”

She waited for one/two breaths and again continued “Daa’m, don’t you understand you have already thrown hundreds of opportunities just to stand by/with me, just to be my strength, just not to let me fall. Fool, since the school, you have been my safeguard but, now, how much more you will sacrifice for ‘just a girl’ like me?! A girl, who wants to be loved, cared, possessed by you but gives nothing in return. ”

“Welll… Who says that, hun?! Ask me what ‘just a girl’ means to me; what importance she hold in my life! She defines my love; she signifies my life; she shields my emotions and not to forget, she is the only world for ‘just a guy’ to show his tears and he also feels pain.”

“How can you love a tiny girl so unconditionally? It would be better if you understand that we cannot be together though being best and perfect for each other. Try and understand, understand that we are two people who were never meant to fall in love just fell. We can never be together together like this.” she said as another round of tears started to wet her eyelashes.

“Is it a desire or a decision?” I asked.

A fearful crying girl haphazardly tried to wipe her tears off and hide her sentiments underneath the numerous layers of big 24 caret smile, and, unexpectedly, bumped into me with a big hug. She held her both the hands behind my back – gripping my shoulders and crossed her legs on my back; she held me so tight – so firm that nothing could feel as real as that was. About a whole second in time passed to understand this act of adaptation was her way to show she cared for me, loved me and crazed me.

“You wanted to know na, this is why I can love some girl so madly; this is why I owe her everything.” said me with sweet lullaby tone and continued “This is probably the time for you to understand that life without you will not be anything more than a new void horizon.”

યાદ

નટખટ સ્મુતિપટ વાગોળુ,
ને યાદ તારી આવે છે.

જોઉ કોઈ ગૂઢ પડછાયો,
ને યાદ તારી આવે છે.

દે’ મુક પવન શેરીમાં સાદ,
ને યાદ તારી આવે છે.

કરે મેહુલો મુશળાધાર નાચ,
ને યાદ તારી આવે છે.

બદલે ચંદ્ર પોતીકી કળાઓ,
ને યાદ તારી આવે છે.

વરતાય પ્રેમનો છપ્પનિયો દુકાળ,
ને યાદ તારી આવે છે.

ઊણપ છે તારી મારા જીવનમાં
ને છતા તુજ યાદ રાહીને સતાવે છે.

Hugs and Kisses (via Words from Mi Pen)

Hugs and Kisses Hugs and kisses, Are so sweet. They taste so much like honey.  I see them when I'm on the street And when I'm in the store.   Hugs and kisses Are so warm. They brighten up your day. And when you're sad and feeling down, You want them more and more.   Hugs and kisses Everywhere. They seem to reach the sky. You see them everywhere you go, If you look and see.   But with these hugs And kisses everywhere. Where are the ones for me? … Read More

via Words from Mi Pen

Change

Things are changing,
Things will change;
The way everyone wants it,
It will never be the same.

Turning time makes face,
Sweet past in front of fame;
Faith and friend is all what I say,
Though it will never be the same.

I hope you to stay,
Saying the words ‘I’ll care’;
forgiving & forgetting mistakes I’d made,
Even though it will never be the same.

You know I’d not forget;
Will stay by ur side night & day,
With all my trust and care;
Though, friend, it will never be the same.

Spark | તણખો

Perseverance is not a long race; it is many short races one after another.

દ્રઢ નિર્ધાર એ એક લાંબી દોડ નહી પણ એક પછી બીજી એમ ઘણી ટુંકી દોડનો સમુહ છે.

Source :: Tapan Joshi

સ્વપ્નનગર

કોણે છે દરવાજા ઉઘાણા?
ભૈ, આ’તો છે સ્વપ્નનગર!

કેટકેટલા રાહી અહી ખોવાણા,
રસ્તા લઈ જા’ કંઈ કોને ખબર?!

દિ’સે દેખાડે મસ્તમોટા તારલા,
ને રાતે ચિતરે મ્રુગજળ હ્રદયપટ પર,

મીઠુ હસાવે ને ભૂંડુ રડાવે,
લાગણીઓના ખાટ-મીઠા તટ પર,

દે કલાકો કો’કની અફીણી યાદોના,
ને વિસરવાય નો’દે ચિત્રો સ્મ્રુતિપટ પર,

ગુથાવે શબ્દુનાય એવા તાણાવાણા,
કે આવવા નો પામે બોલ હોઠુઓ પર.

Previous Older Entries

wordpress analytics