Sharing feelings and thoughts dipped in emotions

Rain drops were randomly sliding over room’s pale hazy yellow tinted window and they took me with them back to the unforgettable moments of past. I could see the clear vision of that never-ending, though so short, evening through that same pale glass window as if it was not some random part of my past but I was witnessing a treasured episode.

You entered my room just like you always did, but that evening don’t know what, but something was unusually unfamiliar. Maya, I could see that courage that you had gathered that day; you entered the room tiptoeing opposed to your patented hurricane entry; took small and slow steps while coming towards and sitting on bed. That eve you were neither standing on my head & asking me to listen to your girly ‘hot’ gossips nor dancing in your unique style to draw my attention which itself was so strange and weird and it was making things tons heavier. I saw shivering of your lips in your tries to speak out and break the utter silence.

You set on bed besides me and after that devastating silence what you could tell me was you were going to leave the next day. You said just what you had to say but you made me pin my ears back to the already known truth that I was in fact trying to avoid from days; and a long pause followed until I urged you to stay a day or two more, even just for one more evening. This time your eyes were speaking instead and I could read the painful answer very clearly than ever. No word at both ends…. Again a never-ending silence….

I knew you were sitting by my side; you slid you tiny soft fingers into mine and held my hand in yours so tight that even a single air molecule could not pass in-between even after absolute desire for a minute or two. My heart was so overwhelmed by sentiments that I had no desire to let you go or part from me even by an inch. That was the split second in time I wanted to hold not only your hand but you. I wanted a hug – the universal language of love, comfort, and friendship. That minute I pulled you in really, really, really close; put my arms around you, and squeezed you tight. I could feel you – your warmth; your side faced head on my chest and ears just up above my heart and a little below my chin. My heart bits were pacing up; if I myself could feel those bits going up and down then you must have understood rhythm of that tune!

Many a times I had heard people talking about timelessness, but this was my first opportunity to experience it. I was experiencing something cherubic that I had never experienced before. I didn’t have any words or phrases to define that and yet I felt energy and emotions flowing to and from you. I didn’t know what to say; till I remember neither of us spoke any single word, in next four hour, after first tiny conversation and yet that was the saddest, longest and most emotional conversation I had ever had. Even that hug or more precisely I should say bunches of hugs in those hours were the longest and ‘bestest’ hugs that I had ever asked from someone and meanwhile in the frozen time seconds seem like minutes, minutes seem like hours and hours seem like days.

Maya, you always inspired me to be fearless but you don’t know what, that evening I was scared – real scared. I know that guys are not allowed to drop even a single tear and are expected to be strong like stone but you only tell me, why wouldn’t I be scared? Maya, you were the reason I always felt protected and energy drawn from you made me feel safe; now you were going away and that also for forever.

“Anyways sometimes choices that we have to make are not the choices that we want to make!!!”